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Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Power of Positive Talk (Posted by Priya Deelchand)

My dearest friends,

Hope you are all doing great! Here is a great lesson sent to me by my lovely friend, Sangeeta Ramdin that I would like to share with you today!

The Power of Positive Talk by Dr Abdul Kalam

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.
One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal . You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made
If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."
People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.
Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue.
Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.
Notice when you or other people use them.
Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read that too much television makes people stupid." You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!

Exercise:
Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Have an excellent day!

Much Love,
Priya:))

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God and Me (posted by Priya Deelchand)

My dearest friends,

Hope you are all doing great!

Here is a wonderful post shared by my great friend Sangeeta Ramdin that I would like to share with you.

God and Me

GOD: Hello. Did you call me ?

ME: Called you ? No... Who is this ?

GOD: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

ME: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

GOD: What are you busy at ?

ME: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

GOD: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

ME: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

GOD: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

ME: Tell me, why has life become complicated now ?

GOD: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

ME: Why are we then constantly unhappy ?

GOD: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

ME: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty ?

GOD: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

ME: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

GOD: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

ME: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer ?

GOD: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful ?

GOD: Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

ME: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems ?

GOD: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner Strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

ME: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading...

GOD: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

ME: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do ?

GOD: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass.Let others work with the clock.

ME: In tough times, how do you stay motivated ?

GOD: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are

missing.

ME: What surprises you about people ?

GOD: when they suffer they ask, "why me ?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

ME: Sometimes I ask, who am I ? Why am I here? I can't get the answer.

GOD: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be.Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

ME: How can I get the best out of life ?

GOD: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

ME: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

GOD: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

ME: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the New Day with a new sense of inspiration.

GOD: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure.

There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.

Have a joy filled day!

Much Love,

Priya:))

The joy of giving (posted by Priya Deelchand)

My dearest friends,

Hope you are all doing great!

Here is a great lesson written by Steve Goodier that I would like to share with you.


Do you know how to have a life of joy?

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I
want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains
cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with
your ashes?" The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and
mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope,
`NOW YOU HAVE EVERYTHING!'"

Paying taxes is not usually a joy. But GIVING can be joyful. We pay
the taxes because we have to. But when we CHOOSE to give time or
money, then giving can add to our overall happiness.

Mother Teresa teaches us an important lesson about happiness. She
was one of those people who emanated joy. Born in 1910 in Eastern
Europe, she felt called as a teenager to move to Calcutta, India. Some
months later she saw a sight that completely revolutionized her life.

Shortly after moving to Calcutta she spotted a homeless, dying woman
lying in the gutter, being eaten by rats. After seeing that,
compassion compelled her to beg an abandoned Hindu temple from the
government and convert it into a crude, make-shift hospital for the
dying. "Nobody should die alone" she would later say. Mother Teresa
went on to establish homes for the destitute dying in numerous cities.
But in spite of devoting her life to people in such dire straits, she
radiated joy and happiness.

This incredible woman was once interviewed by Malcolm Muggeridge from
the BBC News. He asked her an unusual question: "Mother Teresa, the
thing I noticed about you and the hundreds of sisters who now form
your team is that you all look so happy. Is that a put-on?"

Here was a woman who had none of the things we like to think of as
bringing happiness: a home, a family, prosperity… Rather, she lived in
near-poverty and spent her time wiping dirt and various body fluids
from half-dead cancer and leprosy victims…and appeared to be
blissfully happy. "Is that a put-on" she was asked?

She replied, "Oh no, not at all. Nothing makes you happier than when
you really reach out in mercy to someone who is badly hurt."

She would agree that happiness does not come from acquiring, but is a
by-product of giving: time, money, love. Do you want a life of joy?
Start with a lifestyle of giving!

Wish you all a life filled with joy!

Much Love,
Priya:))
Posted by Priya Deelchand

Promise Yourself (posted by Priya Deelchand)

My dearest friends,

Today I would like to share "The Optimist Creed" by Christian D. Larson with all of you. Here it is:

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Many have found inspiration in The Optimist Creed. In hospitals, the creed has been used to help patients recover from illness. In locker rooms, coaches have used it to motivate their players.

It was originally published in 1912 in a book titled: "Your Forces and How to Use Them." The author was Christian D. Larson, a prolific writer and lecturer who believed that people have tremendous latent powers, which could be harnessed for success with the proper attitude.

So my dearest friends, you too can apply the optimist creed in your life and make your life a better, happier and more fulfilled one!:))

Wish you all an excellent week!

Much Love,
Priya:))

Posted by Priya Deelchand

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Move out of your comfort zone and embrace success (posted by Priya Deelchand)

My dearest friends,

Hope you are all doing awesome!:))

Here is a great poem that I would like to share with you.

My Comfort Zone
By Author Unknown

I used to have a comfort zone
where I knew I wouldn't fail.
The same four walls and busywork
were really more like jail.

I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much.
I said I didn't care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you're in a comfort zone,
afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.

Reach for your future with a smile;
success is there for you!

So dearest friends, move out of your comfort zone and embrace success!!!

Much Love,
Priya:))
Posted by Priya Deelchand

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Everything happens for a reason (posted by Priya Deelchand)

My dearest friends,

Hope you are doing great!

Here is the story of today.

An old story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"

One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.


About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.


As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."


"No," his friend replied, "This is good!" "What do you mean,'This is good'? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"

"If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you."

So dearest friends, everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and it is always good!!!

Have an excellent day!

Much Love,
Priya:))

Posted by Priya Deelchand

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